Tim,

Mr. Kreider was deeply touched by your letter. Too much seldom he receives the positive reinforcement for his isolated work, in the form of sycophantic praise or of the coveted blowjobs. No doubt that a healthier man would be embarassed by such a flattery, but Mr. Kreider's work is mainly without thanks or renumeration, and the identification of the readers means much to him although he is little laid out to admit it. I think that it gratifies especially so that he knows that the readers take notice of the unnecessary care which he expends upon his drawing.

As you see, he has returned to his work, but since his hiatus he adopts "the larger position," being unaware of the small scandals of the day such as the imbroglio of Foley the molester and the increasingly atomic antics of the North Koreans, in order to avoid the impotent and ulcerating fury which has oppressed him during the last years. In the name of Mr. Kreider I offer the sincere gratitude for your pleasant gesture and the condolences for your presence in Texas. He invites you to employ your powers of Web design to reverse the intentions nefarious of your Republican Masters.

Respect,

C.-H.

Ed Weidemann,

Mr. Kreider accepts your compliments with his characteristic equanimity, although he suspects you of the disingenuousness about the need for the girls in catholic uniforms for being more than 18.

He counts on your assistance on the day, which always approaches, when he inevitably becomes the negro in escape and must give up the encroachment of Fascism in the USA for frigidity and the length of Canada.

Respect,

C.-H.

 

Tyler Henderson,

Mr. Kreider is also an admirer of the artists Thompson and Hicks. He is happy of knowing that his work offered the consolation for you in your education barbaric, although he is more likely to accept to your proferred drink outside of Texas.

Respect,

C.-H.

Mahault K.,

I print all letters to Mr. Kreider which are likely to interest the readers, except the personal messages of the groupie. The intention of Mr. Kreider's is never to scoff the reader. Even to the ardent supporters of the futile war and the lunatics of Christ he tries to be pleasant. Certainly your English does not suffer the comparison to theirs.

About the Belgian Ales, we cannot do anything for you. It is appropriate that five is too great a number.

Respect,

C.-H.

 

John B.,

Mr. Kreider is a "burning fan" for the library of Enoch Pratt and is very happy to have this information. He is also in the great need for another supplier of service while he uses currently the scorned AOL, which forces him to know of the lives of Jennifer and Vincent.

It is not my correct title and its use only embarasses me anyhow. I require you not to refer to me thus, particularly here in the militant egalitarian U.S.

Respect,

C.-H.

 

Mim X,

Mr. Kreider accepts your invitation. He asks you to find an apartment for him in London.

Respect,

C.-H.

 

Alice Quisno,

Mr. Kreider is always happy to speak about the infatuations of the female readers. He is a "sucker" for the appearance of the lady scientist, and intrigued by your description of "refuse in the trunk." Moreover he considers Pabst to be the best among your degraded and aqueous American beers. He has little other enticement to visit Illinois, however. I would advise perhaps you should send an encouraging photograph to him.

C-H.

 

Heather Fink,

I took freedom to transmit your message to Mr. Kreider as I see that you are an attracting female and suspect that he will want to answer himself. He is a libertine incorrigible although charming and primarily kindhearted. It is to be expected he will contact you shortly.

Respect,

C.-H.

 

Michael Turyn,

The horrible tastelessness of his compatriots never misses the opportunity to appall Mr. Kreider. He preferred not to look at the section of the children. He remembers with nausea observing from his bed in the hospital in Greece the burial of a child killed in the bombardment of the City of Oklahoma where "I Love You," the song composed by Barney the violet dinosaur, was sung in the sad homage. It is massacring it.

Respect,

C.-H.

 

Erin Marquis:

Mr. Kreider accepts with the equanimity your comparison with the late assassinated Beatle and his hated wife.

He enquires being considered PFLAG? He is not very familiar with this organization. One also granted to him the use of the word "faggy" by a true authentic homosexual.

Mr., Kreider will satisfy you but does not have any interest for childrearing. The children whom he regards as an acute threat, unpleasant to the ear. Perhaps you should send a photograph ahead so that Mr. Kreider can evaluate your genetic potential?

Respect,

C.-H.

 

Kenny Pittenger,

Mr. Kreider grants the permission to you to create this link. He considers it useless to ask the permission, but feels that it shows the rare courtesy that you ask it. He suspects you to be Canadian. When the etiquettte is dubious, as in the world of the Internet, better wandering on the side of the consideration. Mr. Kreider for all his abusive ranting and hideous of drawings, swoons for the good ways.

Respect,

C.-H.

 

User43,

Always the polemic surrounds Hitler. Constantly upon Mr. Kreider is forced information which screws up his opinion of Hitler: initially he is not also the bad one like Stalin and Mao, now he is a Christian. It is so complicated to hate Hitler.

Currently Mr. Kreider admires the fascistic hair of the years '30 and researches a Hitler haircut, but without the moustache or mass extermination of the people.

Respect,

C.-H.

 

Cole,

Mr. Kreider has appreciated your comments on his work and thanks you of your encouragement. Bitterly he always points out the lady of dimes. He wishes her a lack of dimes.

Webmaster Dave established a "food of RSS" but neither Mr. Kreider nor myself knows anything of this. New books and apppearances of Mr. Kreider's are announced in the "artist's statements" each week.

Respect,

C.-H.

 

Adam Tolkien,

Superman was the creation of Jerry Siegel and Joe Schuster, the two Jews. Several of the finest of American cartoonists were Jewish, including the universally loved Jack Kirby.

Mr. Kreider is satisfied to have the international fans and sends greetings to you in France. He makes excuses for the recent imbecility of his country.

Respect,

C.-H.

 

Cody Beaton,

Mr. Kreider is well informed of the mysterious hermaphroditic one Akhenaten, a.k.a. Amenhotep IV, whose reign took place in the fourteenth century B.C.E. and who adored the god of the sun Aten. However he regards this brief flirt with the monotheism as an "explosion in the pot." He knows of Zoroastrians, who bloomed around the fifth century B.C.E., from his reading of comparative religion and Nietzsche. However those did not exert the same resident influence on Western civilization. (Recently the Times of New York published a sad article on the weakening of Zoroastrianism.) It is the Judeo-Christian tradition which has dominated our culture and of whose shit of the bull Mr. Kreider has had enough. Moreover (if I interpret correctly) I think that the intention of Mr. Kreider's was to scoff to consider the monotheism as an advance above polytheism, as if it were a higher invention like the telegraph replacing the Expeditious Pony.

Respect,

C.-H.

Cody Beaton,

More research shows you that were correct. Zoroastrians complain their religion goes back to 6000 years, although the erudite obviousness can only prove that date of 600 B.CE.. which I quoted previously. Zoroaster, or Zarathustra, lived between 1000 and 1500 B.C.E. In any case it is too late to scoff at the Zoroastrians and Mr. Kreider feels sorry for them.

Respect,

C.-H.

 

Vincent David,

The humiliation of Mr. Kreider is complete. I would have have detected this error but did not. I, also, am to blame. However, after having gone to the University of Paris, I know better than to fear the reprisals of the French. They are weak people, idiots vindictive but impotent. They will "bitch" in the coffee houses, nothing more. Nevertheless, in the interest of exactitude I will correct the spelling mistake.

Respect,

C.-H.

 

James the Large,

Mr. Kreider sends to greetings you and to your wife and animals. My father it is good although, not too different from Mr. Kreider, a terrible man. I appreciate the United States mainly as a source of material artistic. Moreover I find to my horror that the fried chicken of colonel Sanders is curiously delicious, similar in the taste to the crunching spiced Indian bread.

Mr. Kreider says that the panel that you refer was the inspiration of one Boyd, who is known with you. He considered to employ Davy and Goliath (an animated sinning clay boy and his sanctimonious Christian dog?), but at the end he decided that "Hee-Haw," although not completely precise, it was funnier. And at the end this is what guides all his decisions, for better or worse.

Respect,

C.-H.

 

Janne,

It's hard to sympathize with a country whose biggest problems are a smoking ban, corrupt legislature, and brutal police. Things are tough all over. We've got all that here, plus our president just suspended habeas corpus. But I don't want to make light of your woes. Liberals living in America mistakenly imagine that Western Europe is some sort of utopia with no real problems. But it's easy to forget that in all nations, in all times, the government has pushed its citizens around with picayune rules and squandered their money on lavish self-indulgence, and the police have beaten up and imprisoned dissidents and are never held accountable.

Well, hopefully the Bush administration is looking less and less like a model to be emulated around the world, if only because of the practical results of their policies, which are, suffice it to say, not all that they had hoped. In the meantime, do not succumb utterly to drink and despair, as have so many of your countrymen. There are always the consolations of art and laughter and sex, not necessarily in that order. And the joyless satisfaction of seeing the sloppily laid plans of the neoconservatives turning everywhere to shit.

A word to the wise: watch that "negative by nature" crap--the ladies tire of it eventually and they will dump your ass. Feign cheerfulness now and again if you wish to remain on the Ass Trolley.

Smoke 'Em While You Got 'Em,

Tim

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