Below is the latest The Pain -- When Will It End?
Updated 10/31/08


Artist's Statement

Thanks to my friend Steve who, when we were discussing Obama’s astonishing recent gains in the Shithead States last night, sighed ruefully: “Unfortunately, he’s still black.” And there it was, the perfect cartoon for last week, too late to see print but not for the internet, where I offer to my readers it as a bonus/apology for last week’s lameass effort.

Just this week a reader finally forwarded me one of the batshit emails that’s been circulating citing bogus scripture to accuse Obama of being the antichrist. I replied to everyone on the list of addressees, correcting their Biblical scholarship, quoting the very end of the Revelation of St. John to the effect that anyone who took away from or added to the book would be afflicted with all the plagues described therein and also lose His place in the book of life, and told them all, in effect, to try actually reading the fucking Bible. Don't try to quote made-up scripture to a former Mennonite, you idolatrous, lucre-worshipping Christian wannabes. I may be headed for the second circle of Hell (don't ask) but you guys are going straight to the eighth (for blasphemers) or even the ninth (for the fraudulent). You are fucked eight ways to Sunday in the eyes of the Lord.

Anyway, I urge you all to counter these crude and idiotic innuendos by spreading the rumor on the internet that Obama is secretly white. In fact—yes—here’s my suggestion to all my fellow canvassers in swing states this weekend. When you encounter undecided voters who seem to have evasive, ill-defined excuses for why they’re “uncomfortable” with Obama, just kind of look over both shoulders and then tell them, all sotto voce, that he’s really white. Here’s your script:

“Sure—that’s why he’s so well-spoken! You didn’t seriously think a black dude could give speeches like that? No, no, he’s just in blackface to win over the African-American vote—the Democrats knew it was the only way they could win the election. Didn’t you figure that out? Geez, I thought everyone knew that by now. Only the Negroes were supposed to be fooled. Obama wears a suit and tie, for crying out loud! Black people don’t wear ties, they wear, y'know, big floppy hats and zebraskin shoes and stuff. Haven’t you seen Sanford & Son?”

I’m heading for Philadelphia on Sunday, and then back to my Undisclosed Location to vote. Hopefully I will be spending Tuesday night and Wednesday roaming the streets guzzling whole bottles of champagne and kissing total strangers on the mouth.


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