Artist's Statement
This is, in fact, a censored version
of this cartoon; the original, which was closer to
my heart if not necessarily funnier, was more literal
and less metaphorical, more like straight memoir than roman á clef.
I decided to alter it not so much because it was petty
or spiteful as because I felt it was too craven and
passive-aggressive a way of airing such gripes. So
you get the middle-school Anti-Krieder [sic] Club instead
of the slightly more adult but no less heartrending
story of my actual defriending, and the lovable
Ziggy in lieu of my real-life cartoon nemesis, at whose
vindictive whim
I was indeed disinvited from participating in a panel
on political cartoons at the Small Press Expo this
fall.
The unflattering caricature of me on
the classroom door is drawn, from memory, after one
drawn by an attendee at the SVA open house where I
gave a presentation last week, and if its author will
send a scan of it to me as promised to remind me of
her name I will give her due credit for it.
Of these tantalizing matters I can speak
only in dark allusions. However, I am perfectly willing
to forego artsy coyness and hold forth at length
about the dull inspiration for the first panel, which
was
my
horrible
computer trouble. Suffice it to say that it seemed
the time had come for me to buy a new computer. (Note
to well-intentioned tech-savvy readers: please for
the love of God do not write me with advice about buying
a new computer. Nothing could be more boring except
sending me photos
of your kids.) All I wanted is what I always want whenever
I go to replace something: exactly the same thing I
had before. I don't need twice the gigabytes
or RAM or megapixels or centons or whatever; I never
even used like 14% of the capacity I had on my risibly
obsolete computer. I've often wished, as a consumer
rather than a citizen, that I lived in some Soviet
Russia-like state where there was exactly one make
and model of everything, so that when you needed new
shoes, say, you'd just go to the store, ask for a size
10, and that was it, you'd be done, you'd have your
goddamn shoes, nstead of having to choose between forty
different brands of shoes that like a very complex
and uninteresting game of "Can You Spot the Differences?" But
of course the same thing you had before is never available
anymore. Always the features you particularly liked
have been discontinued or replaced with new, improved,
much worse features. The large, squarish matte screen
I am used to has gone the way of Mint Snapple, and
now all the screens are squished narrow and elongate
and for some reason they're all glossy, reflecting
with hi-def clarity every lamp and window in the room
as well as your own big dumb face. Plus they've inexplicably
eliminated ports for Firewire in favor of the new,
improved, older and slower USB ports. This is all just
about unbearably dull even to describe, much less actually
learn about and deal with. Suffice it to say I just
ended up getting the old computer fixed at considerable
expense and inconvenience rather than get a new one.
Perhaps if I wait long enough, that thing I like will
come back in style.
As for our last panel, probably the
less said about this, the better. It would be ungracious
of me to complain about it to you, my readers, the
only people who actually do appreciate (or at least
idly enjoy the fruits of) my genius. Listing
one's grievances turns out not to be a particularly
healthy or constructuve exercise, and I do not recommend
it.
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