Below is the latest The Pain -- When Will It End?
Updated 12/27/06


Due to persistent illness and the interference of the motherfucking holidays, I was unable to complete an acceptable cartoon this week. (Deadlines being deadlines, readers of the print version of the Baltimore City Paper had a recycled effort from last year foisted off on them, but website viewers will be spared this insult.) However, in honor of the late President Gerald Ford, last Republican with any integrity to hold the White House, I am posting a version of my original song, "(What's the Matter) Ex-President Ford." This song is ideally performed on my own plaintive, wheezing foot-pedal pump organ, but alas, no web-ready recording is available. The posted instrumental version was recorded at webmaster Dave's Rock Central studios some years ago. Unfortunately we did not record my vocal accompaniment, but feel free to sing along at home. The lyrics are printed below. As you do, please pause to reflect on President Ford, a decent guy who neither excelled nor failed at the fate destiny handed him, but did just fine. We should all hope to do so well. It seems unsserendipidous that I should have just drawn Jerry Ford for the first time in last week's cartoon. I don't believe any black kartoon voodoo was at work, but on the other hand, the uncanny coincidence might give me a moment's hesitation before I casually depict anyone else new. If anyone else does die after being drawn by me, as if in some gimmicky fantasy by Robert Bloch or Richard Matheson, I shall have to begin selecting my subjects with more care.


(What's the Matter) Ex-President Ford

What's the matter, ex-President Ford?
O what's the matter, ex-President Ford?
Is it ex-Presidential angst
Or are you just bored
Ex-President Ford?

Would you answer if I callled you Leslie King?
Sometimes I wonder if you'd tell me anything
Were there some sins of omission
On the Warren Comission
Ex-President Ford?

Were you ready when The Boss resigned?
Or even know that you were next in line?
Yes I know you'd been briefed
But when they played "Hail to the Cheif"
Did you know you were President Ford,
President Ford?

Well then that Manson groupie Squeaky tried to take your life
And now we know about those problems with your wife
I know it's lonely at the top
Oh, will the pain ever stop,
Ex-President Ford?

[instrumental break]

Now why do Secret Service caddies yell 'fore' for you?
Was it really such an odious chore for you?
You were a bit below par
But I still know who you are
Ex-President Ford

What's the matter
Ex-President Ford?


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