Below is the latest The Pain -- When Will It End?
For the record, I am not into hot she-male
action. What I actually did on my birthday was win Emily (Lulu
Eightball) Flake’s soul at air hockey. And now I’ll
turn this week’s artist’s statement over to Jim:
Let me start by saying thank you to Tim for letting
me draw this cartoon every year and for being such a great pal. Next
there are many of you that came to visit me last year when I was hospitalized
and my gratitude is great. The loneliness, that fortunately was little,
was worse than the condition I was in. There are too many of you to
thank but a few that deserve a mention; Tim of course who was hilarious
at a time when things were just not funny. Cheryl, you are the best
friend a couple like Sarah and I could ever hope to have, we love you,
thank you. My mom and dad, who traveled weekly through horrible traffic
to spend time with me, and hired us a house cleaner! Our house has never
been so clean. Maureen, I think it was hard on you to see me so sick
and you never showed it, you’re the greatest friend a brother
could hope for. Taking into account our age difference that is amazing,
though I think you may have finally passed me in maturity. Finally,
Sarah, being the love of my life and all... I can be difficult at the
best of times, you are a rock, and how can I thank you, your wisdom
and love is an inspiration, I’ll keep trying to be and do the
same for you.
This brings me to the fridge crowd, Dave Israel, Diane
Chambers, Carolyn Ewald, Tom Ragatz, The Prince of Splendor (a.k.a.
Martin Courtney), Matt Johnsen, Michael Hoke, Adam Cuerden. I’ll
let you guys in on a little secret; if you are ever given the choice
between starving to death and dieing of thirst, turn down the food.
You can overcome hunger pain with pills, but thirst never stops. Every
time I settle in on some filtered water or crushed ice I find myself
smiling. Even on the coldest days I go for the crushed ice. Parting
with your cash was awesome; I offer all of you a frosty toast.
Finally, thanks to Tom
Murphy who invented the Font “Secret Labs” which I used
to make this cartoon.
I hope this year’s cartoon gets Tim a hot date.
I worry about the guy and how bad his crack addiction has been getting
lately. Has anyone else noticed that he has even been experimenting
with cheap highs like poppy pods? You would never catch me doing anything
like that. What a low life for such a noble character.
Tim if you are offered any dates because of this ad
you may spend the money I earned drawing the cartoon not on crack, but
on a hot date. I said a date fucker, not crack. Anyway if that is the
case, keep the cash for you buddy, I am sure you can think of something
fun to do with all that dough. Hear that ladies, I am funding your date,
order the lobster!
If I missed anyone sorry, write me at email@example.com
I am currently not drinking and enjoy various highs, please send your
Percocet, Vicodin, morphine, Tylenol w/codeine, Diladid, etc. and their
pleasant generic compadres to Tim’s
mailing address he will make sure I get AT LEAST HALF FUCKER of
what you send (that “fucker” was directed at Tim not you
kind pill sharing folks).
Cheers, salutations, love to everyone and a toast to
life… it is all we got going for us!