Below is the latest The Pain -- When Will It End?
Updated 12/17/03

Artist's Statement

It is a sad measure of this administration's bad faith that even I, who would like to go to the Moon more than anyone else on Earth, who have bet Carolyn Ewald ten thousand dollars that I will get there before I die, dismissed the news that the Bush administration had floated the idea of going back to the moon as a ridiculous election-year gambit. They're acting like a pathetic boyfriend who senses that his girlfriend is about to leave him, desperately buying her extravagant gifts on his credit card, planning vacations he can't afford to take, wildly proposing marriage, etc. I mean, fuck the Moon. We already went to the Moon. There's nothing up there. Just dust, some golf balls, and Nixon's name on a plaque. Let the Chinese have the Moon. Whatever happened to Mars? Didn't Bush the First announce that we were going to Mars?

Thanks for stolen ideas this week go to my houseguests Aaron Long and Carolyn Ewald and to our luncheon companion Jim Fisher. I can't even remember anymore which of these jokes I came up with and which were my friends', which knowing how repression works probably means I didn't come up with any of them. Most of them are Carolyn's, which I take care to mention because Carolyn loves nothinhg more than getting credit when it is her due. I do know that Gary Coleman was Jim's suggestion. Jim has written a little song about Gary Coleman, called "Queer for Gary," and it goes like this:

Every Tom, Dick, and Harry--
Everybody's queer for Gary!

Don't you try to get with him
He will punch you in the shin
Even though we should be wary--
Everybody's queer for Gary!

He's a virgin, yes it's true
But you were once one too
Wouldn't you like to pop his cherry?
Everybody's queer for Gary!

Drawing this cartoon took me so long I missed the NASA Christmas party, so I hope you like it.

Word reached me yesterday at my command center at John Steven, Ltd. in Fells Point that Saddam Hussein had been captured. Cartoon ideas are welcome.

A number of readers have complained that the cursive print in the "Queer Eye Makeover" panel is too tiny to read. Here is a transcript:

For George: You're not in Texas anymore! A less butch, more urbane look. Welcome to civilization!
-Product! [apparently a euphemism for any kind of hair gel or mousse]
-V-neck/T combniation

For "Dick": Drop the Wal-Mart manager thing already! You're a powerful man, baby--embrace the role!
-clean shaven (just accept it!)
-rimless glasses (to soften that scowl)
-double-breasted suit
-matching silk tie and handkerchief


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