Below is the latest The Pain -- When Will It End?
Updated 4/24/02

Artist's Statement

First of all I must apologize to everyone for last week's Ronald Reagan cartoon. I failed in my attempt to cause the former President to die with my evil cartoon voodoo. Instead it accidentally killed Linda Lovelace, which was not my intention. I offer my regrets to her family and fans.

I'm still sort of out of breath and red in the face from last week's spittle-flecked artist's statement, so we'll try to keep this one short. There's not much to say about this cartoon anyway. I came up with the idea at some point suring the eighty-seven hours I spent drinking Pabst Blue Ribbon in the Village Idiot with Chris two weeks ago, and he is hereby thanked for his input. I was working on this cartoon in another bar, Chumley's, last Friday, and there was a tourist couple from Chicago at the next table. The girl was talking on her cell phone the entire time, and her big  lunkheaded boyfriend got so bored and annoyed with her that he asked me about what I was doing. The cartoon wasn't finished, so I had to describe the gag to him. "I don't get it," he said. At first I thought he was joshing me, but then he kept staring at me with his mouth open, waiting for me to explain it. When his girlfriend got off her goddamn cell phone she didn't get it either.

I would also like to state for the record, just in case my mother is reading this, that although I ended up not not believing in "all that devil crap" I actually have no resentment or contempt for the religion in which I was brought up (my parents were Mennonites, and my sister and I were brought up in the Church of the Brethren, which is similar). I think it was a good one. It taught pacifism and simple living. Nothing wrong with those values (at least not until some other, less gentle religion starts flying jets into your office buildings). Church was a little boring, is all. I just think that Star Wars, for example, is as good a religion as Christianity--even better for an existential age, because you don't have to literally believe it, and it has better special effects, plus it's never gotten anyone killed. It did cause me to break my collarbone a couple years ago, but there were other factors involved in that incident.