April 2008
Hey
Tim,
You
must
be
a
Brazilian
at
heart
then
because
you
draw
the
best
cartoon asses
Hi
Mr.
Krieder
- I'm no expert on the best way to "monetize" your site, but as far as hosting ads goes, probably the easiest thing to try is Google's Adsense program: http://www.google.com/adsense They don't give a rip who hosts their ads, how much/little traffic you have, or (for the most part) what kind of site content you have; anyone - including starving artists like you, and bored engineers like me - can sign up. When someone visits your site, their software checks your site for keywords, and puts up "relevant" advertisements. How much money you make depends on how many folks see the ads, and how many actually click on them. Don't know what your site traffic is like, but consider my own sad little enterprise: http://home.comcast.net/~prestondrake/index.htm The real moneymaker there for me is the sale of motorcycle tire-changing tools (which, obviously, involves considerable physical labor), but last summer I figured I might as well have these folks stare at some ads when they stop by. Since that time, my per-day average is about 113 visitors, 1 click, and fifty cents. Google mailed me my first check for $100 last month. Woohoo! I expect you have some idea of your site traffic (hopefully it's considerably more than 113 visitors per day), so you can scale your expectations accordingly. And maybe it won't put your name in the billionaire's list next to Bill Gates, but it'll help pay the bills. So get over your guilt, and earn a living. :-) Best
Wishes
-
8 April 2008 hello there, ive
been
a
fan
for
some
time
now,
and
am
slightly
embarrassed
to
say
that
you've
become,
along
with
the
onion
and
NPR,
among
my
only
sources
for
political
perspective.
i
adore
your
images
and
have
been
using
them
to
brighten
up
my
horrid
cubicle
walls
for
about
a
year
and
a
half
now.
9 April 2008 Tim, Pretty
good
this
week.
I
think
I would've
depicted
God
as
a
temp.
Sure
-
an
answering
machine
intoning "You
have reached
God. Para
hablar en
español
empuje
numero Marts
11 April 2008 Have
you read
David
Mamet's
piece
on why
he is
no longer
a "brain-dead
12 April 2008 Good Day Tim, I was wondering what your opinion is on the proposed Orphaned Works bill that is due up this Wed. in the subcommittee. These are a couple of concerned parties: http://www.illustratorspartnership.org/01_topics/article.php?searchterm=00185 I'm sure you've heard some hype around this by now since you're in the art racket, so I'm curious if you think this is something to really fear or maybe the hype machine has made a mountain out of a molehill over the proposition. A
concerned
illustrator,
15 April 2008 Wow. I
just
got
a
look
at
the
latest
strip
and
statement......now
I
know
you
are
normally
a
cheery
and
optimistic
individual
who
spreads
good
cheer
like
a
human hallmark
card
(from
the "inspirational sayings" section
of the store)....but this week you have outdone
yourself. Sadly
I
basically
agree
with
most
of
sentiments
contained
in
the
comic
and
accompanying
statement.
We
are
screwed
and
there
is
little
to
nothing
I
or
anyone
else
can
do
about
it.
Yeah!!
At
least
there
is the
empty
timeless
void
of
death
to
look forward
to!!
Whoo
hoo! Be
well.....
16 April 2008 Dear Tim, Good stuff, great comment. I know you were in a bit of a slump the second half of ’07, but you’re back baby! Strangely enough, I did buy gold, actual gold coins you can hold in your hand. I had been saving up to put a downpayment on a new condo, which now suddenly looks like a really bad idea. Prior to the Global Economic Collapse™, all kinds of crackpots advised people to hoard gold, but now I actually believe it makes sense. One day those gold hoarders will be lauded as heroes, consulted like gurus for their wisdom, and put in positions of authority, just like everyone who didn’t believe in the Iraq War!
16 April 2008 Dear Mr. Kreider, So you're starting on Gibbon too, eh? I've been bushwacking through Volume 1 for a couple of months now- it's not always the easiest read but it's definitely a rewarding one. The story of Pertinax, imperial successor to the profligate, swaggering, bellicose Commodus, is a heartbreaking one and a good reminder of how difficult it is to bring back good government after periods of misrule. Any way, good luck and I hope that you'll keep us up to date with how your reading progresses. -Ben
Carlsen
17 April 2008 Hi Tim i love your stuff, i think we got published together in one of these TCJ Specials? anyway, the artist's statements are HUGE plus for me, have you thought of playing up that in the cartoon's printed version? printing the link, maybe even creating a discussion board of some kind and i know, i'm as repulsed as you, but, you may sell a t-shirt or prints or some bullshit or other, once you create that club atmosphere. the important thing is to avoid honest work. best P.S.: http://monsterwithoutacause.blogspot.com/2008/04/rentard.html
18 April 2008 I want to thank you. I have recently gone through a terrifyingly upsetting breakup. I got the huge surprise of being dumped on my ass for no apparent reason after 5 years of what I can only call The Best Relationship Ever. I still don't know what happened and I'm only now just at the stage where I can sit at work without welling up with tears. About a week after It happened, I had this thought something along the lines of, "didn't Tim have some cartoons about this a while back?" I dug around the archives and found your "How To Win Her Back" cartoon. Catharsis in Ink. For the last two weeks, I must have read your artist's statement daily. It has really helped me put things in perspective, (in the same way that my trip to see Berlin's Holocaust Memorial did). Now whenever I am on the verge of tears on the tube in London, I no longer get anxious and more sad; I start to wonder about how many other people are also on the verge of tears and sadly marching to work at their various investment banks. It has also prevented me from doing too much stupid creepy shit under the dilusion of desperate sweaty-palmed romance. Afterall, just because I'm "wearing the diaper" doesn't mean that I have to be seen in it. So, like I said: Thanks. And
now
the
money
bit.
Hi! I would like just to take the time to type and send my thanks to you, Tim Kreider. I have been following When Will The Pain End? Comics over the Net for a few years now, and it gives me such delight that there are people like you in the states. You have the opinions of a sane man, and the talent to express it in a tasteful (at least most of the time) and artistically pleasing manner. Y'see, I'm a Swede, and as a foreigner I can get pretty frustrated at the nation which you reside in and your fellow countrymen. But... When I see the witty comics that you make and read your artists comments, I actually get some sensation of "Hey, maybe they're not all fucked up sunsovbitches". The submission of the week triggered my long wish to send a e-mail to you. I mean, it's hilarious! "Is no biggie", the look on your face when you see actual snow, Ann Coulter with her eyes ripped out and the joyous celebrations. All of them had a message in them, and all of the frames where hilarious. I won't rabble on about politics with you, at least not at this moment. I just want to take the time to thank you for giving me a smile, and being one of those people who goes and speaks what's on your mind, even if it is something uncomfortable to hear (for your countrymen atleast, most of us foreigners just laugh at the silliness and agree with you). Yours sincerely, Kim Ylvinger. P.S I accidentally sent this to the webmaster before I realized it was the wrong adress. Please don't sick those Stealth Bombers on me, will'ya?
22 April 2008 I've agreed with you for some time, but now I think you're being too smart by half. Oil Oil Oil. First of all, society survived just fine for thousands of years without it and grown exponentially. But assuming, and I'm not, that earth's production of fossil fuel drops to zero by the mid teens or whatever, you totally discount that the technology and alternatives already exist. There are just powerful forces, mainly oil money, that kept it in the background and on the fringes of the progressives. Once it is impossible to keep society going on oil as fuel, it will switch on necessity to the alternatives, which will gain money and research and efficiency as we lean more heavily on them, like EVERYTHING ELSE EVER. We went from still using biplanes to jet propulsion in 5 years during the necessity of WWII. There's already an advanced electric car, the Tesla, which can go 0-60 in less than 4 seconds showing up in rich kids garages. They've been making electric golf carts for over 50 fucking years. Only a decade less time it took humanity to go from the first powered flight to walking on the moon. Countless examples of great strides in advancement were done in the age before computers because of the human capacity for survival, of which you totally discount, of which I'm assuming is because your capacity for self-destruction. If there's anything that humanity has learned how to do, it's manufacture stuff. Go to any walmart or home-depot or any bulk-buying place and you'll have all the evidence you'll need. Guess what? When solar panels and wind turbines show up on home-depot shelves, people will buy them. With or without your bitter sanction. You rant and rant about the stupidity and arrogance of hicks in the scum belt, but I know that there is more than one form of stupidity and arrogance. One way out of situations is to use our heads and abilities. Another way is to shut down and say fuck-it and give up. Good thing other people have better interests in mind than that. I wouldn't be so hard if I didn't care, but I'm losing my respect for you, man... and I'm losing interest in your doom-machine. Your argumentum verbosium may be copious, but is seriously lacking in perspective. You can read your Lewis Gibbon and quote your Malthusian bullshit written in the seventeen-hundreds all ya want, but when you over-specialize, you breed in weakness. I know your hate keeps you warm, but it's going to get you long before any Malthusian zombie eats your corpse. I've seen the best minds of my generation... With tough
love,
23 April 2008 I find it rather amusing that Boyd's avatar in your work appears to have permanently stolen your (avatar's) fur coat. I can only hope the real Boyd treats the real Tim slightly better.
23 April 2008 Hi Tim, Don't be perturbed by people who seem to be more sure of themselves in their theories and predictions. These people historically have been the first to the chopping block. "Best laid plans" and all that. By my calculations, things peaked for me around 2004, or maybe it was 1964. Anyway, I don't see why my numbers shouldn't work for everything else. Have you ever heard the concept that for every technological solution that is used, twelve more problems are created? I can't remember where I heard or read that little gem, but I believe it is a conservative estimate. Man's world is and has been a Ponzi scheme since the first stone was chipped into a blade. Technology offers great returns as long as we can keep coming up with more of it to fix the problems it creates. What is THE rule of Ponzi schemes? They ALL eventually fail catastrophically. We have applied technology to every facet of our world for the past 20,000 years or more. In this pyramid scheme imagine a huge, flimsy pyramid (around say 1,776 feet tall). This time around the failure is bound to be so messy and chaotic that I doubt very much even the most brilliant minds could begin to fathom its depth and complexity enough to come up with a viable plan to survive it. The truth is that if anyone survives, it will have little to do with planning and much to do with pulls on the cosmic slot machine lever. And we don't even know who or what is putting in the coins. Your plan sounds just as reasonable , much less stressful, and much more likely to be successful (chance of dying is always 100% ) as any other. Most of us should spend our remaining time getting comfortable with that idea. My one hope is that the end result of my plan comes about before the end result of yours so I can keep reading your comics. Sincerely, Lawrence Petersen, Monterey California. P.S. Best regards to Ms. Czochula-Hautpänz. I look forward to the release of her book.
23 April 2008 Now,
it's
all well
and
good
to
figure
that
Jesus
has
your
back.
If
he's
anything
like
the
stories,
he
probably does. And
if it isn't, it's not
like
you should
treat it
any differently.
Oh
no,
the
universe
is
unfair
and
there
is
completely
sucky
eternal
damnation
waiting
for,
as far
as I can
figure pessimistically,
you,
me,
and
everyone
else.
Well,
I
sure
think
the
refs
were
unfair
in
last
night's
Flyers/Caps
game
but you
can't cry
about it.
Okay,
they
were unfair
and
terrible.
That
second
Philly
goal
was totally
goaltender
interference
and
was
a bunch
of fucking
shit
and
we
all
chanted
stuff
about it.
Whatever.
All
you can
do is
score
and
try to
win regardless.
I mean, what
other
option
is there?
Dear Tim, Your most recent artist's statement, moaning and groaning with its lamentations of a post-peak oil future, made me sneer. God dammit, sir, our forebearers weathered the Great Depression. They not only bore the capital G and capital D with pride, they did it gladly. My grandmother Elisabeth, born 1927 in Frankfurt, Germany, made it through a depression, Adolf Hitler, and another depression, and she turned out fine. Did the Joads complain? I think not. Peak oil is primarily an economic event, which people tend to forget. 40% of America's oil is used on transportation. That is huge. Fatasses who realize they're spending $6 a gallon to drive 4 miles and eat at McDonald's will eventually get it...the beauty of the free market system. Me, I ride a bike or walk to work, an easy 3-mile round trip that seems to inspire oohs and ahs in those who learn of it...which is just silly, once you realize how short a walk 1.5 miles is. My monthly budget for gas is about $20, since I only fill up the tank when I leave my dear home in central Virginia. Note that your friend Rob, for all his supposed energy independence, still uses propane, coal-fired, electrified e-mail, and the transporation system on which his thrift stores rely to maintain his lifestyle. Of course, I am somewhat of a hypocrite in that I regularly browse peak oil sites, plan to order bulk grains for long-term storage, and invest heavily in oil stocks with the notion that they'll shoot up as supply dwindles... Scratch the "somewhat." This letter must conclude with a request for your mailing address. Having read The Pain since 2004, I figure I owe you $80, with $20 per year being a fair price for your weekly strip. I assure you I am not a loon, and I considered your statement on the need for money with due weight. A faithful reader Tim, My previous letter came off as far too dick-ish. Perhaps it was the bourbon or the pain of my broken toe -- the poor thing is swollen like an angry, purple grape. I apologize if I offended you. Truth
be
told,
I
went
through
a
rough
patch
some
months
back
where
I
was
focused
almost
exclusively
on
peak
oil.
Not
surprisingly,
surrounding
myself
only
with
depressing
information
had
the
effect
of
making
me
depressed.
It
took
me
a
while
to
realize
that
the
people
out
there
shilling
for
the
worst
possible
future
had,
in
fact,
no
monopoly
on
truth
or
predictive
power. In other words, they already know their conclusion. Every bit of information that fits the sky-is-falling thesis is sucked and savored; anything else is discarded as irrelevant or pie-in-the sky. CNN's reporting on $100 fill-ups? Quick, buy more tinned food and bullets. Nanofilm solar power? P'shaw, technology won't save us. I am reminded of something the British journalist character said in Graham Greene's most excellent book, The Quiet American... something to the effect of not trusting mental concepts, as they layer a false filter over reality, which just is. I think the doom and gloom these people push is an extension of something so deeply ingrained in Western thought that the doomers are not even aware of it: The Rapture. It's the ultimate passive- aggressive escape fantasy, an easy solution to one's problems with society by providing a way to invest oneself in the thought of "life after the oil crash." (Incidentally, that is the name of a popular peak oil web site.) The peak oil doomers wouldn't be the first to fall prey to post- apocalyptic fantasy. After all, it's quite entertaining. Any number of action movies do it: Independence Day, 28 Days Later, Terminator, and so forth. In those films, the bugbear might be aliens, zombies or rogue machines. For doomers, it might be peak oil, or looking back in time: terr'ists, the bird flu, Y2K, Communists, Wobblies, you name it. I
conclude
by
saying
don't
let
the
doomerism
get
you
down.
Peak
oil
production
is
a
geological
reality,
but
its
effects
are
entirely
up
for
grabs.
What
if,
as
oil
prices
rise,
we
see
the
advent
of
cleaner,
nonpetroleum
solutions
for
transportation?
Barring
that,
big
box
stores
might
shut
their
doors
as
local
commerce
becomes
more
vital.
People
could
reconnect
with
each
other
and
the
places
they
live
as
they
move
closer
to
family
and
places
of
work. -F.R. P.S. And yes, I do have some preparations for a worst-case scenario. It's only prudent, as Hurricane Katrina showed us. Epicenters of disaster can, do, and will occur, and their effects will become more pronounced in rough economic times. But having made my preparations, I can safely put such thoughts out of mind, knowing that should the day come, I'll be ready.
25 April 2008 Dear
Mr
.
Kreider
25 April 2008 Dear Tim, One of my workmates is preparing to throw me under the proverbial bus because he is a mental midget and not competent enough to do his own job correctly. I will likely have my ass chewed out by my boss because of this. This, in turn, will likely result in a haymaker to my bosses neck. To
stop
said
haymaker
to
bosses
neck
scenario,
I
was
thinking
about
creative Smashing his car's tires with liquid nitrogen and a hammer? Your thoughts. Sincerely,
25 April 2008 Just a note to say thanks for all the insanely excellent work you do. The text is just as [*] good as the art, and speaking as the guy voted fifth weirdest person in usenet's talk.bizarre for December of 1995, my opinion should count for something. I've referred my manic-depressive ex to your site. I'll let you know if she freaks out again because of it. regards, [*] I originally had the word "damn" in there but it made it sound like I was trying to be too American, so I didn't.
25 April 2008 Dear Tim I thought that you might find the attached article
(planet debate.pdf) from Scott
27 April 2008 Subject: “Fan mail disguised as chiding” Dear Tim, After reading over your letters archive from the last few months and coming across yet another snide reference to Tom Tomorrow/Dan Perkins, I can’t help but ask: why such a chip on your shoulder, man? Did the guy kick your cat or something? Yeah, I know he gets heaps of recognition that you don’t and would deserve; you can draw like a god and he can't or doesn't, but that doesn’t mean his strip is crap. It’s a different strip. And you can depict yourself in a raccoon coat surrounded by luscious babes, whenever you feel like it, even though you seem to prefer depicting yourself in a state of jowly, morose intoxication. The penguin in a raccoon coat just wouldn't work. And your cartoons are the ones I read every Wednesday and that make me cry (how's that for an ego boost? you make women on other continents cry...) whereas I enjoy his but only remember to check them occasionally. And everyone knows my opinion is what really counts in the end. So no need to be petty. Yours,
28 April 2008 Subject: “shoulder bag strap between a woman’s breasts” You
too,
huh?
Oh,
man.
29 April 2008 Spring in NYC God, how I ever miss that. I think you nailed it perfectly. -Jonathan
Green
30 April 2008 "
One of them regaled me with a blood-chilling
cautionary tale of craziness, evil and disgrace
so harrowing that it at least temporarily quashed
my wistful jealousy of his promiscuous rock ‘n’ roll
lifestyle."
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