August 20071 August 20007 As is often the case....the cartoon is hilarious and sadly true.....and the artist's statement is even more so. "we have all worn the diaper" Truer words have never been spoken! Hold it together, man! Also, to the admirable "screener and reader of emails"....i enjoyed last week's guest cartoon very much. Nice to see a little female perspective at the Kreider site. Hope your graphic novel is proceeding well. Cheers Eli Friedmann Fellow resident of NYC. Eli Friedmann: I too am satisfied to see Mr. Kreider making with something of productive of his pains. If all is well it is a symptom of recovery. But I always fear the breeches. I am happy of knowing that some of the readers appreciated my own effort. My graphic novel is filled in the pencils and requires only the constraint of inking. This takes time however and it is the best I withdraw my demanding functions in order to subject the work finished with my editor in time. Respect, C.-H. 1 August 2007 loved the quote so much.
2 August 2007 Please forward my gratitude to Mr Kreider for this week's cartoon and its comments, which were the most touching, heartfelt and true to life ones in a long time, not only in Mr Kreider's production, but among all the web comics I read. Thank you again.
2 August 2007 Dear Mr. Kreider, The consistency with which your artwork has moved me over the past several weeks is nothing short of astonishing. You undoubtedly have a spirit deeply connected to the essence of the human condition. When the H-Bombs start to fall, I firmly believe that you will survive, thrive, and in the Mel Gibson/Kurt Russell-esque aftermath, go on to become a White Poet-Warlord with the best of them - and our world will be much the better for it. I'll spare you the wordiness of my previous letters and simply say that your simple statement that "Often you just don't know whether you're the hero of a date movie or the villain on a Lifetime Network special until the restraining order arrives" contains a noble truth so compelling that it nearly moved me, quite literally, to tears. I, too, recently came to a corssroads of such a "profound romantic gesture." Everyone does, every day, I am convinced. Anyone who says they don't is lying through their teeth, or is living such a selfish, manipulative, denuded existence that I would barely venture to call them human beings, and even then in shape only. My story, whose details are trivial, ends with my uttering the words ÇSelon moi, tu es morte.È -- "You're dead to me." I'm sadly convinced that most of these stories end this way. --Mathieu Moyen
2 August 2007 Pass this along to Mr. Kreider: http://www.tax.ok.gov/plates/sp145.html Oklahoma is now offering global war on terror license plates.
2 August 2007 This week's essay is truly wonderful.
8 August 2007 Hey dude, Sorry ya got dumped. Nice comic though. Few things are funnier than a picture of a guy getting blown by Kermit the Frog, though I question your choice of assassination targets. I suppose the correct choice lands you in Gitmo, which, on the upside, might give you that Che Guevara t-shirt appeal. You ever consider dating that smokin' hot personal interness of yours? Warmest regards, T.S. McBride Fan of your work in Dallas, Texas
Soulless hell, indeed. Let us hope that Mr. Krieder genuinely has no idea just how right he is. Warmest regards, T.S. McBride
8 August 2007 Hello Ms. Hautpanz, Thought Mr. Kreider would like to see how Harry from "Harry and the Hendersons" and Jeezus appear to have been born twins.
9 August 20007 Subject heading: "If I See That Fucking Frog One More Time" Seriously did that cockmongler Kreider really draw both angles of the same dick sucking frog scene in both cartoons? If so, thats skills. Otherwise it shitty photoshoop [sic]. And whats with that shit anyways? A fucking frog puppet sucking his crank while he's crying? And his last couple "how to win her back" and the now she will love me nuke thing? Has he turned into a whiny emo bitch? Tell him to get back to his murdering republican fantasy cartoons or at least draw some fucking waminals and get over it. He/She/It wasnÕt worth it, and he can find someplace else warm, preferably moist, to stick his withering cock. Yours Truly Anonymous the Internet Hate Machine
Mr. Kreider's Reply:
10 August 2007 Firstly, I wish to extend my sincerest hopes that Mr. Kreider's condition is improving or does so shortly. Secondly, I am truly inspired, although also saddened, by his most recent series of heartbreaking cartoons. Even though I tend to gravitate towards fart jokes after a lady hurts my feelings, I wish I could turn out work of this caliber instead. Really. They'll deny it, but all cartoonist exes read our cartoons long after they give us the boot. Lastly, None of it matters. Hurt feelings are something you just have to bottle up until they can be unleashed in an inappropriate drunken rage. Preferably towards an elderly person. --Brian McFadden www.bigfatwhale.com
13 August 2007 Mr. Kreider, As I have written to you before, I am a great fan of your cartoons and writing. Your humor speaks to me in ways that few others can reproduce. From keeping up with your internÕs updates, I am pleased to find out that you are in Maine. I would very much like to buy you a drink if you come through Portland. You may reach me at either of the phone numbers below. If not, I completely understand, but please take a moment to review the link below for a refreshing view of the work we are doing in Maine. Regards, James Devine
13 August 2007 Dear 'Ms. Czochula-Hautpþnz,' I had the pleasure of corresponding with Mr Kreider in May of last year, though I've changed my e-mail address since then. At the time, he expressed a willingness to meet me if I ever visited New York city while he was in residence. I believe that his assent centered on my offer of enthusiastic fellatio. I understand that he is experiencing great melancholy at this time, and that he may not be interested in oral sex from anyone but Kermit the Frog. Even so, I am going to be in New York on August 30th and 31st, and would enjoy a chance to meet him if he is still interested. Perhaps I could find some way of cheering him up a bit. Yours sincerely, Martine
15 August 2007 Ms. Czochula-Hautpþnz; First please add my name to the list of admirers of Mr. Kreider's work; I have enjoyed it immensely over the years. My recent discovery of www.thepaincomics.com and Mr. Kreider's Artist's Statement has (unbelievably) increased my enjoyment. And second, my enjoyment of The Pain has been tempered by Mr. Kreider's apparent decline into despair, and his disappearance. You Ms. Czochula-Hautpþnz have done more than any interness is required to find your mentor and rescue him from his (I believe) self inflicted state. I am not telling you you need to continue looking for him, and I do not have an answer to your question at the end of your 13 August 2007 column, "what do I owe this man?" And you did not ask for my advice. But if you do decide to keep looking for him and find him, I will offer my un-requested advice. Slap the living shit out of him. What drove Mr. Kreider to his current state is not going to disappear just because you find him. I believe what is driving him down has been expressed by Mr. Kreider him self in his August 1st Artist's Statement: "Remember that pitiful mug shot of her face.I've seen that face before, very recently, in the mirror. And so, I suspect, at one time or another, have most of us. And frankly anyone who hasn't isn't the sort of person I can fully understand." What is driving Mr. Kreider down is his lack of understanding. He will recover and be back to normal (whatever normal is for Mr. Kreider) when he has understanding. This understanding can not be given or simply explained. It has to be beaten into him. Here are some inspirational phases that have worked over the years in fixing people with similar conditions: "Cry? You want to cry? I'll give you something to cry about!" "Ahhh, your life isn't working out the way you dreamed. Well get a helmet!" "All right she left you. Get up and go get a new girl! You think you get things in life for nothing? No, you have to work for everything!" "Do you realize there are 6 miners in Utah right now slowly suffocating, struggling to pull the last little bit of the remaining oxygen out of the dank, foul air, to get one more moment of life, even though that moment will be spent in the cold and dark, a thousand feet underground, alone except for the bodies of their friends who could not last quite as long? And all the while the mine owner, who is rich due to the miners' back breaking labor, the risks they take, and now their drawn out deaths, is grand standing on National TV about the "heroic efforts he is claiming to make (but is not) to save them? And you are god damn complaining about how difficult it is to draw a new cartoon ONCE A WEEK?" Try screaming one or more of the above as you beat Mr. Kreider's sorry ass. Hope this Helps, Bob
16 August 2007 Keep up the entertaining travel log! I am enjoying both the text and pictures. The interesting word order is more endearing than it is incomprehensible. Your life has become an american independent road movie/comedy it seems. Who know what will be the end of the journey??
19 August 2007 Dear whoever reads this email, Just a few questions: I am very interested in the 'hail! fellow lolipop' shirt. Where did Mr. Kreider get it? What is a Jello wedding anyway? Any new books being released soon? Oh yeah, I'm a big fan and all that stuff. Tim K. rocks my socks or something. No really. Sincerely, Timb (similiar names... is it fate?)
August 22, 2007 In response to this weeks artist statement--and you know I'm gonna weigh in on this, as it's about devastating emotional pain, which is the source of my own personal income-- rather than make you LESS popular, I'd say you hit a universal here. Republicans, libertarians, rosicrucians--we have ALL fallen hard on the pointy rocks in the Icarian attempt to be blissfully in love, damn our fucked up hearts and all that goes with them. Too bad you aren't one to seriously prostitute your pain; you'd be one of the more popular ladies on the street. It seems to me, though, the profound pain of the human IS the living heart of the greatest humor; to stay conscious enough in the midst of it to see through to the other side, to document the absurdity of hope and reason and habit--all completely illogical tendencies in the face of the outrages of life--is a fairly heroic task. It Sucks to do, sure. It helps others, though, in surviving the wreckage so many of us make of our lives. I also enjoyed your poetic (in a good way) musings on maturity, though. Im guessing maturity IS the ability to get up off your ass when you know damn well it's not all going to be alright. Maybe maturity is not killing hope out of vengeance for hopes dreadful misguidance. Maturity is letting hope sing it's stupid little song one more time. Looking forward to more, if you can stand it. "only the shallow know themselves"--oscar wilde. Aimie
22 August 22, 2007 I and my friends have been consistent fans of your comics for a while now, whether political or not, and aside from a few rarities, you have always managed to make us crack a smile in a dark and dreary world, and even those rare times where you have not, you've at least given us something to talk about for a while. Admittedly, we briefly wondered whether your new, non-political direction with The Pain lately was fictional, especially since you seemed to handle it better and more creatively than anyone we'd known who'd suffered heartbreak, but by this point I suspect that things are pretty real. All I can say is that you have my utmost sympathies(the impact of which may be lessened somewhat when I confirm that I am no charming groupie), and that I'll buy you the alcoholic drink of your choice if you're ever stuck in Communist Denmarkistan, within the most dark and oppressed Socialist Scandinavia. I may not be the most grizzled veteran of the battlefield of love, and I may still have some youthful enthusiasm and fantasies left in my head, but your latest Artist's Statement resonated with me for reasons that I'll not elaborate on since it sounds like you've got enough on your plate without listening to my whimpering. I hope things, ha ha ha, get worked out for you somehow(or barring deus ex machina, that you roll up your sleeves and kick the world's ass until THAT solves things.), it would be a shame if your wit and talent were to be lost to the dark corners of the world. Most humbly, A Viking Fan
22 August 2007 Dear Mr. Kreider - I'm sure you get letters like this all the time, but I thought this one might be especially welcome and/or necessary at a time like this. I just wanted to let you know that I admire you and your art very deeply, and The Pain has brought me much insight and enjoyment over the years. You are, without a doubt, one of the most brilliant caricaturists I've ever seen. Some of my favorite strips include: 'Me and George, We Got Problems,' 'Learn German While Drunk,' 'Contributions of the World's Religions,' 'Babies are Assholes,' 'Birthdays,' 'Silver Linings of the Holocaust,' 'How to Win Her Back,' and 'No One Loves Your Dog.' You seem underappreciated, which is a damn shame, so there's some for you. Also, I wanted to issue an open invitation to you, should you ever be in the Connecticut area. My partner Adam and I have an apartment in Norwich, which is shooting distance from a very nice casino, as well as several ideal beaches for throwing large rocks into the ocean. Neither of us are axe murderers, we have a guest room, and we both greatly enjoy your work. A little about us: I'm an Iowa native, and I'm in school for medical illustration, starting a new career at 23 (yeek!) When I'm not doing that, I'm working at an art supplies store. And when I'm not doing that, I'm drawing, though it'll be a few years yet before my lineart is nearly as good as yours. Adam is 25, and he's getting his second master's degree, this one in library science. He likes to snark about politics over a glass of fine port. We're both staunch secularists, fighting the good fight for separation of church and state. If you feel like getting away for a while, you always have friends here in CT. Please write back to this address, or call (860) 617-7096 if you're interested, and we'll make arrangements. I really do hope you feel better soon. And if I can help at all with that, please let me know. -Carin-
23 August 24, 2007 Dear C.-H., I've been following the comic online for about three years now, and quite enjoy it. If indeed Mr. Kreider is heading out to the Nevada desert next week, please pass along to him this invitation to come sit in our shade and drink beer. I am part of the Lazy-Ass Fucker camp, and we will be sitting in the shade drinking beer around the crossing of streets 7:00 and Arctic. We also have lots of paint and canvas, brownies, and habanero-stuffed-mushroom-death-bombs, if any of these blandishments appeal. Sincerely, Amanda
23 August 2007 Hello Ms. Hautpþnz, I've been a fan of Mr Kreider's for a number of years now, and have quite his comics through out this period. Taking to the writings of comic artists that normally avoid being laconic seems to be a habit of mine. His commentary has always been interesting to turn over, and I have found myself chuckling often at his dark tones. Fan letters are not my normal fare. While there is some awkwardness writing this, I'd rather do so anyway, as empathy and conscience seem my eternal companions. From what you have posted you have traveled a fair amount for a good friend. I feel somewhat envious of your travels as much of my road touring has left me with a much smaller number of friends visited this year. I'm glad that you've kept up the energy and hope for your mentor Thanks for your patience Mr Kreider and for me ---- Hey Tim, As a a guy cursed with youth I'm still getting over my first emotional attachment of note (a process that will hopefully take less time than the man at the end of the bar; but has taken months longer than I'd like already) and one who is attending the Burning Man sending an email seemed like the right thing to do. This is will be my premiere to any festival that attaches me to the inside of my car. If you notice an upstart with a dark blond hair, dark green wide brimmed hat, and light brown boots appearing as the bane of the event (a mere observer!) there's a drink waiting for you. I'm sure playing Where's Waldo with your fans while you're there is certain to be a trying experience Thanks for being my liver Chuck Kirk
23 August 24, 2007 Tim, I just wanted to write to tell you that I was moved by your most recent artist's statement and (I feel someone needs to say this) I will continue to await with great admiration and anticipation your upcoming comics and statements, no matter the subject. I first became interested in your work when referred to it by a friend with similar lefty-wingnut politics to my own, as an example of excellent political satire and honest, openly progressive thought (we too have become more than a little jaded with mainstream "liberals" who inevitably kow-tow to the slightest hint of confrontation). Despite this purely political introduction to your work, I've found in the time since that the comics and statements I've enjoyed most have been the personal accounts, whether describing private pain or the joy brought by time with friends and admired colleagues. For example, the label "Ad Amor Per Aspera" to describe the Lisa Nowak style of "reconciliation" in the August 1st comic "How to Win Her Back" remains one of the funnier things I've read in several months. This could be because I am a Classics major, and take Latin as a foreign language at Tufts (my friends think I must be making a conscious effort to be as useless as possible, but I have been assured that this is a good route to law school, although at this point it feels like my friends may be right). It could be because the phrase "To Love through the Stars" being used to describe a woman wearing an adult diaper and hunting down the object of her affections with a BB gun is just unbelievably fucking hilarious. Ultimately, I guess it's just comforting to know that no matter the rate at which the world seems to be going to Hell in a hand-basket, we, the readers, can count on you to bring a little light into the situation. Even if that light just shows us how terrible things can get, at least we can see, and that's something. Thank you for all of your hard work, and I sincerely hope things take a better turn for you soon. Jim Wright
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