2 April 2006

Before I give my little complaint, let me begin by stating I'm an atheist, so this complaint isn't religiously fueled. However, I do have to complain that taking quotes from the Bible out of context to further your political ambitions is hypocritical, and makes you as bad as those you are mocking. The Bible is full of double standards, and hypocrisy on it's own right, but I have to say I wrote off the comic after reading what you said about Jesus's view on homosexuality. While I personally find nothing wrong with homosexuality, Sodom & Gamora were destroyed specifically for that reason. The Bible lists sodomy of any kind -even between consenting heterosexual married couples- as a sin. Moses's son was additionaly banished for "laying with his father" when he was drunk, and naked in the vineyard.

As to the "he who is without sin" passage, while it is possibly the most popular Jesus fable, historians have found that (and I realize none of it really happened anyway) it never happened, and was actually added to the Bible long after the original text.

I further submit that all of the vengeance, and destruction, and smiting of the old testament applies to Jesus, as God, Jesus, and "The Holy Spirit" are all aspects of the same being.

Again, I am an atheist, I do not follow the beliefs or teachings of the Bible, and I do not need an omnipotent imaginary friend to morally guide me. I'm still offended by those who would twist the meanings of religious texts to suit their interests, and sir in doing so, you're no better than the average televangelist, or KKK leader.

First of all, the quote in the cartoon you refer to concerned "sexual immorality" (Jesus was defending an adulteress) not homosexuality specifically. Also, it's spelled "Gomorrah."

It's true that Jesus says that he comes to fulfill the scriptures, not to destroy them, and that not one letter of the law shall be changed until Judgment Day. (I am paraphrasing; I don't have a Bible in front of me here so please do not give me any shit about misquoting.) But he also ushers in a new rule of forgiveness and love that does not so much replace the Old Testament stone tablets/fire-and-brimstone routine as mitigate its rigidity and mercilessness.

More importantly, who cares? As you say, it's all horseshit anyway.

I'll go ahead and charitably ascribe your likening me to televangelists and Klansmen as a little rhetorical overexuberance on your part rather than the creepy hostility it sounds like. We are perhaps similarly guilty of cherry-picking quotes to support our positions. But I think my interpretation is rather closer to the spirit of the Bible than theirs, and I would also point out that I am, in a very meaningful sense, quite different from such people because, to the extent that I quote scripture out of context, it is in the service of promoting tolerance and kindness, rather than greed or bigotry. Which makes me not only an altogether different kind of person but a much better one.



5 April 2006

Dear Ms. Phelætia,

Please express my most sincere thanks to Jim for providing me with the only source of weekly humor in my otherwise dry and sour life. His cartoons have infiltrated my highly conservative office, as I have taken to pasting weekly prinouts of in unusual places (inside the coffee filter, interior door of bathroom stalls, VP coat pockets) much to the dismay of my fellow co-workers. Like the subject of this week's cartoon, they too feel that the perceived entitlement of perpetual rapture will overshadow any wrong doings their chosen life forces them to commit, and none of them drives a hybrid.

I just wanted to warn Jim of a possible barricade he may have to face in the near future when commenting on the horrors of the oil industry, and that is a pretty remarkable solution that the S. Americans, Brazilians in particular, have come up with to the problem of depleated oil. No doubt Jim has heard of the fleet of cars, trucks, airplanes, electricity-producing turbines and other machinery they have that runs completely on sugar cane alcohol which are more than happy to run on this highly employable industry centered around a truly power-producing renewable resource.

It is this fleet which will provide the power for the South Americans as they perfect hydrogen combusion while we are riding our dirt bikes around in circles and attacking the last oil refinery in our vast wasteland of death and depression. Just wanted to give Jim a heads up on that, maybe he could start brainstorming some other topics which need commentary for use when that time arrives (altho no rush, he's got at least six months).

Seriously tho, his cartoons keep me from dying.


Max S.

Max S.:

Initially of all I must clarify for you that the first name of Mr. Kreider's is Tim;  Jim he is Mr. Kreider's large and volatile friend represented in the cartoon of this week.

Mr. Kreider is encouraged by your news.  He admires the South Americans in things of all, of their socialist policy to the thongs their women.  Always he roots so that Brazil is the next super power instead of the nefarious and wily Chinese.  He is gratified to know that they will survive the maximum oil collapse and will continue to celebrate their manners hedonistic even while the hated Americans adore Lord Humungous the naked-chested and bellicose.

Mr. Kreider is gratified moreover to hear that his drawings maintain your functions of life and discomfit your colleagues.  In the second place only to preserving the health of spirit of the oppressed people, his greatest joy in his work is to bring the incomprehension and the fury to the tiny of mind.  He will try not to enable you to die in the near future.



5 April 2006

Dear Tim,

I am going to give up writing and drawing now, because you've said everything I want to say, and much funnier. I just belatedly discovered your work (I must have been blind), and I'm dazzled and amazed at its brilliance.

Stephanie McMillan

fellow (now former) cartoonist -- maybe I'll study accounting...


Your words are very flattering indeed, and I thank you sincerely for the compliment, but I hope my work hasn't genuinely discouraged you. I suspect most political cartoonists are actively incurious about their peers' work, mostly for fear of being daunted by the competition. I know I am. (For example, I know your work only from Ted Rall's "Attitude" anthology, in which I was also featured, though I can't remember whether it was the same volume.) We all have days where we feel defeated by our colleagues' erudition or artistry. It seems like most weeks Ruben Bolling ("Tom the Dancing Bug") draws exactly the cartoon I would have if only I'd thought of it. But the truth is that we each have our own idiosyncratic styles that appeal to our own different audiences. It's easy to forget that we're not all in competition with each other but rather allies in an ongoing war against ignorance, apathy, disinformation, and plain old evil. On the day Bush is banished back to Crawford, or--God willing, hauled off to the Hague--we'll all quit our jobs forever and I'll be the first to buy a round at the bar for all of us.

Freedom! Forever!,


P.S. If you do give up, though, I could use an accountant. Fucking taxes.

5 April 2006

Ms. Hautpanz,

Please extend my sincere thanks to Tim K.

Thanks so much for drawing a cartoon that has the perspective of an epidemiologist in it. Until now, the only similar compliment I had ever seen was found in "The New Yorker". If it weren't for Jim's pantless appearance and his ski-doo dialogue, this would totally hang out on my office door. You rock.

Marc-Oliver Wright 
Epidemiologist, MESA Scientist 
Marshfield Epidemiology Research Center 
Marshfield, Wisconsin

PS. As an expatriate of Baltimore, I look forward to each Wednesday and Tim's new toon. When can we expect a new book?

Marc-Oliver W.:

Mr. Kreider is happy always to receive the accodalades of the scientists, which are among the few humans that he respects.  I consider it regrettable that this drawing is inadequate for posting on your door but Mr. Kreider is alas usually coarse and is haunted with the displacement of the trousers. 

The last book of Mr. Kreider's, "Why Do They Kill Me?",  was published last year.  The next book of the political drawings will not be probably out before the end of the administration of bush, unless such a moment never comes.



5 April 2006

The Future According To...

Dear Ms. Czochula-Hautpanz,

This week's cartoon is the funniest Mr. Kreider has drawn in a long time.  Please congratulate him on my behalf.

On an unrelated topic: my best friend just moved to NYC.  What is Mr. Kreider's favorite restaurant in the city?

Matt J.

5 April 2006

Matthew Johnsen:

Mr. Kreider thanks you for your compliments on the drawing of this week, on the subject of which he was deeply dubious, but also he suspects that you "butter him" for his recommendations of restaurants.

Mr. Kreider favors Tanti Baci on the west 10th for the Italian, the Empire Szechuan (several places) for the Chinese, the Yokocho Village on 10th(?) and 2nd for the Japanese, Katz's, Pastrami Queen, or Barney Greengrass's for Jewish (for he loves the food of the Jews), and the Oyster Bar at Grand Central Station, Markt at 14th and 9th, and Blue Ribbon on Sullivan in Soho for oysters (he is crazy for the mollusc).  If your cousin is attracting and unmarried he offers to escort her himself. I caution you this is not advisable for your family honor.



6 April 2006

"The President of the United States believes this, literally. Louis the XIV believed that he was the Sun King, with a divine right to rule. Moctezuma believed that Cortez was the return of Quetzalcoatl. Caligula believed he was a god. They were all executed, and their empires are gone now."

Since the death of Hunter, I thought I'd never see writing like this again. I'm happy I was wrong.  Good on you, Tim.

Brian T.

Brian T.:

I must say to you that Mr. Kreider was deeply moved by your praise.  He was influenced much by the journalism of Mr. Thompson and deeply saddened by his death.  It would be his most affectionate wish to be called his successor, although he never admits this. So you can see that your words must be praise very high indeed and bore through his heart. It is not often to see him in this way.



19 April 2006

I've written before, but I must again write to tell you what a pleasure it is to find the latest update of The Pain. It's like the last sane voice shouting in a gale of madness. I don't live in a country that debates torture, though some of the political debate here can seem equally maddeningly stupid, but we who can't vote in the American election still have to live with Bush, one way or another.

But it's beyond even Bush, for even in my home country Sweden, a place I thought would never flirt with totalitarian methods, tapping phones have become an issue of debate and tighter measures in regards to security. Camera survailance and other things that would have been laughed at ten years ago.

So, where am I going with this? I've sort of forgot myself, really, but what I want to say is: The west has become paranoid, and I fear we head towards the fall of democracy, disguised as the defence of the same. Yes, I know that's basically what you're saying, every week, and thus my praise. It's so refresing reading your rather pessimistic view of the world. I'm sure that when the senate in Rome installed Ceasar they never thought that would start the long depraved era that produced such fine specimens Nero. But maybe there were an artist of what went for comics in that day and age that painted satirical pictures on the walls of Colosseum of the new dictator.

Anyway, long story short - my week would just not be right without the The Pain.

Markus S.

Marcus S.,

I remember your previous letter, and it's good to hear from you again. I only wish the circumstances were different. But the decline of democracy in the West is as good an occasion as any for friendly correspondence. Yes, undoubtably there were brilliant and hilarious satirists in Rome, at least until they crossed the line and got fed to lions for the amusement of crowds. And they had about as much influence on Nero's policies as I do on Bush's. But perhaps their obscene and blasphemous caricatures at least kept people's spirits up. It's hard to keep an empire from falling once it's on its way down. More and more American cities, especially the ones that used to manufacture things, are desolate, rusted hulks. Even New York City is only a theme park of its former authentically great self. Our only real remaining industries are war and entertainment. 

But, as a friend of mine is always hopefully pointing out, as long as the torch of democracy keeps alight, it doesn't really matter to which nation it is passed. My own hopes, such as they are, are with South America, which is increasingly flouting U.S. influence and going its own way politically, veering to the left. Their people seem genuinely freedom-loving and hedonistic, and their women have the most magnificent asses on the planet. Maybe Brazil or Argentina will become the new beacon of freedom on Earth while the U.S. is still sucking up to the murderous senile totalitarian regime in China.



19 April 2006

Dear Phelatia,

A friend of mine just forwarded the above mentioned cartoon ["Science vs. Norse Mythology"] to me. I really like this one - although I am a Viking :-) - and I always enjoy discussions about this subject with Christians and scientists. Some of the Vikings I know are in Texas at the moment for a big battle, but if Tim likes they would be pleased to pay him a visit in order to demonstrate the effectivity of a Dane Axe :-)

There is only one thing that bothers me in this cartoon and it refers to the last picture. The Vikings didn't have horns on their helmets !!!!!!!!! Although it is known by archaeologists nowadays that the cauldron which shows a warrior with horns on the helmet was Celtic and not Viking it is still in the minds of! the people.

Have a nice day!

Kind regards


Uta R.:

Mr. Kreider thanks you for your tolerance and refuses the offer of Vikings politely.  However he strongly recommends to your Viking friends in Texas to seize the occasion to massacre each Texan they see, to split their craniums in the twain (?) and to plunder their ranches and buildings of office, and to place the heads of their children on sticks. 

He also wonders, for the future reference, how the Vikings really related to their helmets.



20 April 2006

had to write and say that this week's comic was pure fucking genius.  on par w/ reagan's funeral.  sometimes mr. kreider, your insight into the absurdity that is our present day state of existent is fucking insightful.  if you are ever in flagstaff or even passing near, i promise to get you shit faced drunk on pabst and miller lite to your heart's delight.

muchos appreciatos,

greg n.

Greg N.:

Mr. Kreider thanks you for your excessively pleasant compliments on his work. It gladdens him to think that the drawing of this week is as good as which drawn by him at the time of the burial of Reagan; he wishes only that the circumstances were as happy.

If misfortune brings him to Arizona he will fortunately accept your beer invitation.  Pabst is his favourite of your degraded aqueous American beers. He claims it is "reheating the best" among all cheap beers.  He also appreciates Miller Lite but only in the form of the "tiny," which have been useful in five a bucket.  I say to this, in your American idiom, "no matter what."



25 April 2006

Greetings Ms. Hautpantz!

I only recently became aware of The Pain--When Will It End after thumbing through a copy of Why Do They Kill Me at Atomic Books in Hampden. Since that time I have spent three eye bulging nights looking through the archives on the Pain's web page (much to my wife's consternation) and discovered that my political views parallel that of Tim Kreider's more so than anyone I have ever met in my life.

I will make this email brief before you delete it as the rantings of a deranged sycophant groupie. I humbly request of Mr Kreider his permission to use one or two of his cartoons as the background for my Myspace profile. I'm not sure of his personal feelings of Myspace, until my wife convinced me otherwise i believed the entire endeavor to be a big juvenile waste of time, and I'm afraid he may believe this to be true. (I too suffer from this incredible disdain for everything that he has described numerous times in his artist statements.) 

If he would like me to pay him for use of his work, I would be happy to send a check, or paypal if he prefers.

I could also buy him a beer the next time I am in Baltimore, and regale him with stories of Mr. Cheney's war as I am a returning veteran.

Thank you Ms. Hautpantz

(Also, please send my thanks on to Tim for being the voice of Sanity in an insane world- for pointing out the obvious and saying all the things that american soldiers would like to tell their batshit-crazy commanders but cannot.)

Brook S.,

Very well. In gratitude for your service to our country and to the cause of Freedom I grant you permission to use my cartoons on your Myspace profile. I would ask only that you give me credit and include a link to my website or a plug for my books. I understand this is where all the kids hang out now. (I used to be on Friendster solely for the sexual access it afforded, but dropped out the first time I got an ad disguised as a message.) Never let it be said that I failed to Support Our Troops.

Hey, sorry you got sent to Iraq for no reason. At least you're not dead! I'll be back in Baltimore in a month, at which time you should remind me about that beer.


25 April 20006


I'm a big fan of the pain comics and usually I really enjoy the "artist's statement" but this time Tim has gone too far!

The tease of additional panels of the current comic, which we will never see, is unconscionable!

 What do we have to do to see more?  Maybe one or two panels snuck in before the release of the next comic?

Think of it as sort of like a methadone program

Keep up the good work!  And if you ever come to Austria please bring a "GWB International Terrorist" T-Shirt for when I take you out drinking.

Christopher J.

Christopher J.,

Sorry, but I am a very lazy man and am already dreading getting to work on next week's cartoon, let alone adding to this week's. You did get six panels as opposed to the usual four. What more do you want? The cat panel you can pretty much picture for yourself. Although come to think of it, perhaps I could spare myself the trouble of coming up with a new idea this week and just draw "Everything I Know... Part 2." I should've just submitted four panels this week and then I'd already have Part 2 halfway done. My laziness is not to be underestimated.

The idea of going drinking in Austria appeals to me. I will bring an appropriate T-shirt.