KJK:

Mr. Kreider agrees with you regarding former president Nixon. At the end the craziness it always goes to the head. More ulteriorly he is agreed that our current president has a face of the fuck.

Mr. Kreider also wishes in order to ask whether your "Domain Name" is in the reference to a category of the cruiser of the battle of Klingon.

Respect,

C.-H.

Mark N.:

Mr. Kreider hopes to organize a reading and signing in New York as soon as is possible. While waiting, he suggests you pester the responsible ones at The Universe of Jim Hanley to host a signing. Or you may simply invite Mr. Kreider for beer the next time he is in the city, which it will be this month. I will tell you he will do anything when he is drunk.

Respect,

C.-H.

Chris C.:

Mr. Kreider, he is not so good to project the compositions in advance, thus the elbow of the Bush is out far from him than it should be. Mr. Kreider likes your interpretation that Mr. Cheney allows him to cheat, but it was in his head that Mr. Cheney is irritated by the slowness of the president to take the turn, since he is after all the not-so-good with geopolitics.

He accepts the comparison with Doonesbury with equanimity.

He wishes me to convey his affection to your sister, meaning that this will respect all.

Respect,

C.-H.

Xaoset E.:

Mr. Kreider wishes it for me to thank you for your forward. I could tell it heated his heart cockles to see this drunken worshipper of Satan dance on the tomb of former President Reagan. He was heard to say: "So shines a good deed in a weary world."

Respect,

C.-H.

Tim C.:

Mr. Kreider would ask me to appreciate those who are writing, but unfortunately he is not concerned with your thoughts.

Respect,

C.-H.

Shannon D.,

As I am sure you can tell Mr. Kreider is much sensitive and moody. Last week was not so good, I think because of heat and moreover of his failure ever to exert himself as he is repeatedly urged to do. I am sure that he will appreciate the audience that you have bought his book. This week the weather is fresher and I think his mental prospects are to improve, even if he remains naked.

As far as your desire to become a groupie, you to me could perhaps tell a little more of yourself. Moreover a photograph would be useful. It is important that you not to be an insane person as Mr. Kreider has sure had some unhappy romantic tangles with the lunatic.

Respect,

C.-H.

Shannon D.:

Thanks from Mr. Kreider for your commiseration and your excellent use of the word 'metastasize,' that I know is a favorite of his also. Since the previous time of writing it has cooled and he has dressed and gone to try a turn of the bicycle.

Respect,

C.-H.

Monte,

A rare occasion when I take over from my beloved intern Ms. C.-H. to answer an e-mail personally. My hat's off to you, sir. You have fulfilled a lifelong dream of mine. My emotions on seeing your dance were akin to what I feel watching astronauts blast off into space. My heart goes with you.

Next goal: disinterment!

Cheers,

Tim Kreider

Shannon D.:

Mr. Kreider appreciates these terrifying molluscs of which you speak by the dozen, but as far as me, I do not approach them myself. Generally they do not join to lodgings but stir the claws and spessimetri (I do not know the English word?) slowly in great baskets and at times make good their escape and scuttle precipitately across the lawn in a fashion most unpleasant to the beholder. To observe the eating of them is a horror unparalleled, like noticing some rite ancient and unspeakable. Mr. Kreider bids you welcome to divide them with him when you are in the city, but as far as me, I do not participate in this nastiness.

Respect,

C.-H.

David L.:

It is so significant that Mr. Kreider in this moment receives these messages of encouragement of the readers. He is of a defective condition following the ashamed disappearance of his book, for which he had concealed hopes high and delusional. I went to read him your nice note and to ask him to leave his room, and although he would not leave it he in particular appreciated your pleasant words about his idiotic drawings such as the tiny pudgy hands of Scott McClellan the liar, and James the large one. He also shares your cynical and pessimist assessment of the estimates of the popularity of the president. He agrees with you that he will "rebound behind" a designed photograph or a different war. He transmits to you his thanks for your message.

Additionally I wish to thank you as well. It is not easy to be the intern of Mr. Kreider and it saddens me to see him so, thus the reading of fan mail such as yours is among my few pleasant functions.

Respect,

C.-H.

Shannon,

I have explored for the word. It is the feelers. Small dreadful antennae. English is not my first language. My original tongues are Romanian and Hungarian but I also have of the Czech and of Italian and French.

I am not a vegetarian but I do not relish the dismemberment and the autopsy of the animal, this which I leave to the accredited butchers. I appreciate the taste of the meat of the crab but only in the shape of cake.

Mr. Kreider has the company this evening and they will be coupled in this unpleasant ritual. I do not attend it with interest.

Respect,

C.-H.

• Next Month
• Previous Month
• Letters Archive
• Back to The Pain